What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I want to fling myself into the sun
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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