Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
