someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
