There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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