Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
