I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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