the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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