i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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