My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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