ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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