well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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