His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
