I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
