Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just want nice things and good sex
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize