but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
