that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
