Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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