Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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