Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize