I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
