Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I want to fling myself into the sun
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
