i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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