Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
