before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
