I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
