The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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