even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
