i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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