I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
