she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
