Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
