I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
