Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
