Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
