She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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