And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
