Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
birth control should be required to get into college
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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