dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
