last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
