If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
