It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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