dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
