Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
