i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
