i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
