I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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