How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
