I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize