i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I would fuck him just for his dog
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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