The maid of honor just puked.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
where am i from again
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
