someone owes me an orgasm
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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