Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
