Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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