Got a toothbrush?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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