Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
