Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Everyone says I win the strip club
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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