I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
