I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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