I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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