I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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