Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
