just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dignity is for republicans.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
