Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize