I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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