Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
