We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
