Plan B is the new Plan A
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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