At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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