Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if you like me you must not know who I am
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
