I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
