i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
People in love make me want to vomit
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
