That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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