I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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